This poem was written after a particularly uneasy break-up. I was the one who ended it and I remember feeling as if I had made a huge mistake. I dreamt about that person night after night. She had moved far away to attend university and somehow I knew I would never see her again. It was a time of grief and guilt, I wanted so much to be able to repair what I had done and I struggled to let her go.
Ever darkening waters
In those dreams of you,
A fading apparition
Of those dreams come true.Lashed upon by waves
In an ocean of regret,
I might drown here,
I may save myself yet.Ever deeper visions
Of those past events,
No more lying to myself,
No more false pretence.Remembering a lesson
I wish had never been,
Those dark waters hold for me
All the pain I’ve seen.Incarnation of my misery,
The ocean’s width is true,
Swimming is a waste of time
To reach those dreams of you.
My emotions were crippled, I had no way to contact her, no chance for forgiveness, reconciliation or closure. My only hope was to learn from this terrible mistake and forge a new path on my own. Our destiny’s were now separate, I hoped that in time we would both find happiness. I sometimes still think of her, wondering where she might be or if we would even recognise each other.
This separation was an especially poignant tribulation that helped me to mature and to understand how easily a relationship can crumble if not maintained.
The Truth About Shadows 